These thoughts are in response to an email group dealing with personal transformation. They may be of interest to show a little of the thought processes behind the Applying Love Method.

If you didn't have any problems, would you be happy? It seems that even when there are no immediate problems to sort out, alot of people are slightly uneasy and unable to relax fully and enjoy the moment. One of the things that keeps us from relaxing and being happy when we have the chance is a sense that we or others are always being judged, or rewarded, for what we do by something bigger 'up there' - an avenging God or maybe just the law of 'what goes around comes around'. So we are always slightly worried, in case we get punished! Or trying hard to 'deserve' the reward we hope is to come - all out of our control, of course. It's common to alot of the people I've ever talked to, in varying degrees!

The sense of impending punishment, I believe, is at least partly a product of a child's powerless view of the world, and childhood experiences of being wrongly blamed or punished for things we've done in all innocence and often in a sense of fun and enjoyment! That, combined with a natural understanding that things do balance out, somehow, which is an intuition or memory of the Law of Emotional Resonance (Law of Attraction.) Because things do work out, perfectly, but there's no-one else involved, taking revenge and handing out punishment! It's just the world responding to us through resonance with our repeated thoughts - thoughts driven by emotions.

If others treat us badly, it's not a judgement for being a 'bad person' or unworthy of love or respect. The truth is we simply get what we expect to get; there is no 'divine judgement' involved; yet I know alot of us read it as that, and so accept it. If we change what we expect, by changing our own assessment of how 'deserving' we are, what we get from others then aligns and matches our new assessment. I've experienced that often myself and it's something anyone can experiment with. The good thing is you can see almost instantaneous results. So in human affairs, there is also a Law of Expectation! It may be you believe you're unworthy of respect, or you just have never experienced it so expect others to treat you as if you're invisible. You can try believing you are worthy, even if just for a few minutes - hold that belief consciously and see what happens. Others are subconsciously reading and responding to our beliefs about ourselves all the time. When you see someone's behaviour change towards you as you hold that new belief, you will start to see how powerful you really are - and what possibilities lie ahead!

Understanding the World.

The place to start looking for patterns and to understand the causes of any events in relationships of any sort is the emotional worlds we all live in. Seeing events as products of emotions can be very enlightening, rather than seeing them all as separate and unrelated incidents. Other people can be more easily understood according to their predominant emotional patterns and responses. To understand our own emotional world (by calm observation) and to see how that corresponds to the emotions of others we're involved with has proved very enlightening and useful to me.

There's alot to keep us busy if we start observing our own thought processes and emotional patterns! Once you get to the point of realising you have the ability to choose your inner world of thoughts, attitudes and opinions, (including any habitual anxiety or fear-driven responses) then you have the task of overcoming the tendency to react in the same old ways. These old ways are literally hard-wired into our brains, as neural pathways; our entire system is primed to respond before our conscious mind has a chance to know what's happening. So when we start taking responsibility for our inner world and decide we want to feel the best we can, there's suddenly so much to pay attention to we don't really have time to think about or judge anyone else! Which neatly fulfills the command 'Judge not lest ye be judged'. Since I've been applying Love as my way of living, I've noticed many echoes of the scriptures as I've formed the principles I live by. Our bodies are teaching us the same lessons as the Holy texts, if we'll just pay attention; but our bodies are responding instant by instant and it's the business of our conscious mind to understand, not dictate, the rules they're expressing. Freedom of choice can only come when we're aware enough of what it is we are currently accepting, or giving ourselves, right now. The present moment is the only place we can apply the power of our intentions to live a better, more loving and harmonious life. The exercise of Calm Observation is the first step towards meaningful change. That's why it's Lesson One of the Applying Love course!

When I'm worrying about or disapproving of other people's behaviour, which I do alot, I'm forgetting to choose the best thoughts and feelings for myself. It's a simple choice but it's not easy to do. If it was so easy, we'd all have done it already. But the fact is, habits of judging others or being upset are ingrained with me and staying generally balanced and calm is a challenge. But the challenge is from myself, to find a better way of reacting, thinking and interpreting the world.

When I do stay calm and observe, rather than follow old habits of reacting negatively to people and situations, I notice how my judgements of what's going on with other people are so often wrong; I realise how often in the past I've stewed about something that's completely imaginary - invented an entire story that didn't exist and concluded something that's based on pure fantasy! I also notice now how many others around me do exactly the same thing - get upset about imaginary things before they've found out any facts. It all goes on in our heads but that doesn't make any difference to the emotions we feel - they're real enough! And they propel us to take action. That's why emotions are so important - it doesn't matter whether we're 'right' or 'wrong' in our beliefs, the emotions they create inside us are what drive our behaviour and create 'the world out there' - the world we all live in.

I watched 'Ghost' last night and the part I really thought unnecessary and childish were the times the dark scary shadowy demons came and 'got' the baddies' spirits when they died! I just don't think that's the way the universe is set up. It seems to me, the physical world and probably whatever's beyond it are expanding, and learning is part of the mental expansion. The world is here for us to learn abour ourselves, and our power to create our lives. That all happens from within our minds and involves every part of our beings. Increasing understanding of causes and effects has the natural result in people becoming more loving, more compassionate and more joyful. It happens naturally as we realise more of the power we have to create our own lives, and turn to take charge of the thoughts we allow ourselves to think, and so the feelings we allow ourselves to feel.

In my opinion and from my personal experience, when we realise there were reasons for everything anyone ever did, and see they were doing the best they could, from their limited and often fear- ridden state of mind - there's nothing to forgive, or punish - just understand. Understanding expands our mental and emotional horizons and makes less and less of the world frightening or hostile. It gathers in the world 'out there' adn connects us to it in a positive way. Any form of learning is positive, because it makes us 'bigger' than before; but when it engages our feelings, too, it can be truly liberating.

It seems to me very few people ever make the decision to 'grow up' and re- think their attitudes, particularly their relationship with parents. That's where so-called primitive cultures have been way ahead of us for many thousands of years! They do have the 'growing up' rituals that allow for that change of relationships. (The Jewish barmitzvah/batmitzvah ceremonies do that, too, I suppose.)

What is Love?
In the ancient Greek language there are at least four words describing types of love. We use one word and all confuse each other with what we mean by it! I use Love with a capital to denote the field of energy or the dimension of Love in which are the frequencies/experiences of compassion/understanding/kindness/coherence/harmony/beauty/joy/ creativity/fun/playfulness/invention/flow/appreciation/and all the other positive aspects, feelings and emotions that cause us to connect with other manifestations of life. Love, to me, has an inbuilt desire to support life and well-being, so Love includes the impulse to 'fulfill needs'.

If I have a need for food, or conversation, or anything else, anyone who sees that need and supplies it is doing something loving. Someone who doesn't see the need, or sees it and ignores it, or sees it and decides they know best and gives me something else, isn't doing something loving. so again, calm observation is a prerequisite for being a truly loving person. Which is where the Applying Love Method comes in...